REVIEW: COCKNEYS vs ZOMBIES (2013)

COCKNEYS vs ZOMBIES (2013)

Cockneys vs Zombies wants to have it both ways by ripping off Edgar Wright and Guy Ritchie by having a bunch of Cockney crooks, both young and old, dealing with a zombie outbreak in East End London. The film opens with a construction crew uncovering a tomb sealed in the 1600s and upon entering are attacked by reanimated corpses. At the same time, brothers and would-be criminals Terry (Rasmus Hardiker) and Andy (Harry Treadaway) are planning a bank robbery to get enough money to save their grand dad Ray’s (Alan Ford) senior citizen’s rest home from demolition. Ray is conveniently also a former gangster so we can be assured of at least one foul mouthed senior citizen. As the robbery goes awry, the zombies start to multiply and with the East End in chaos, our young bank robbers escape but, now must find a way to survive the living dead and rescue Ray and his senior friends. With a mounting army of the undead, can they get out of the infected area alive? It isn’t bad enough that director Matthias Hoene is lazy enough to blatantly copy the styles of Wright and Ritchie but, the fact that he and writers James Moran and Lucas Roche feel that their premise of having foul mouthed Cockney criminals, senior and slacker alike, cursing at and killing zombies is enough to make their flick work without giving it much wit or creativity. And to be honest, it is a fun premise but, again, it’s a lazy movie that doesn’t give the story anywhere near the fun and energy it needed. And if you’re copying Wright and Ritchie, leaving out the fun and energy is just plain sloppy. It also parades out all the cliche’s involved in both zombie and gangster flicks including character access to a cache of guns, the hot ass-kicking chick and conveniently left around power tools that are perfect for killing zombies. And this isn’t to say the film is totally devoid of fun, cause the cast are thankfully enjoying themselves and there are some amusing bits but, not enough to put it anywhere near the class of film they are trying to mimic… thought to be honest, I’ve never really been a big fan of Guy Ritchie’s flicks and while I enjoy Wright’s, I don’t think they are the masterpieces his fans make them out to be. There is some good gore and the production appears to make good use of a low budget but, in terms of both the zombie aspect and the gangsters with British accents angle, there is nothing new here at all and it’s not funny or endearing enough to overcome that, like how Shaun Of The Dead rose above it’s familiar material. Not a total waste of time but, nothing much to recommend either, as it pretty much wastes an amusing idea. Also stars adorable and spunky Michelle Ryan as cousin and partner in crime, Katy… the before mentioned hot ass-kicking chick… and legendary Bond girl Honor Blackman (Pussy Galore) as one of the senior center residents named Peggy. And while it was fun to see Blackman onscreen again, I personally would like to remember her as her classic character in Goldfinger. For zombie completests or for those who feel curses in British accents are enough to entertain.

2 and 1/2 zombie stopping bullets!