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High school misfit Johnny Dingle (Andrew Lowery) has been head over heels for Missy McCloud (Traci Lind) since grade school. He finally gets the courage to try to get her to go to the prom with him, but needs to get her attention. He decides to fake a robbery at the convenience store where she works and once he saves the day, he’ll be her hero for life. Unknown to Johnny, an actual robber enters the place instead of his bud, Eddie (Danny Zorn) and Johnny’s heroics turn tragic as he is shot and killed by the thief. That won’t stop Johnny, though, as he rises from the grave to continue to woo Missy and…it actually works. But can he make it to the prom before decomposing, or will he have to resort to the only thing that will slow his disintegration down…human flesh.

Back in the day, I had a huge crush on Traci Lind, but even her charms can’t save this terrible and predominantly unfunny comedy. Directed clumsily by Bob Balaban from an already bad script by Dean Lorey (who wrote the worst of the Friday The 13th films, Jason Goes To Hell), the film’s attempts at humor fall flat and it’s attempts at being titillating are more uncomfortable than sexy. There are also some really convoluted side plots, such as a doctor’s efforts to make a youth serum from Johnny’s zombie blood and the fact that there is little or no reaction to the fact that Johnny is a zombie by any of the living characters makes no sense and fumbles some prime laugh material in the process. No one seems to care he’s a zombie, until he snacks on a classmate and it is also the thing that finally gets Missy’s attention and attraction…what? It’s a badly written mess with substandard acting from some veteran performers and no chemistry between it’s leads. Lowery is pretty dull as our hero and even the pretty and spunky Lind has her appeal neutered by the dumb script and lame direction…and she can be very sexy as Fright Night II and some of her non-genre roles prove. It’s an all around failure that bombed at the box office at the time it was released in 1993.

So, despite the presence of an 80s cult classic cutie and even the amusement of watching the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing a redneck school bully, this film is practically unwatchable. The script is badly written and misuses a scenario that could have been very funny, while the director just didn’t know what to do with the material. It kills the charms of an actress that had girl next door sex appeal to spare and chose a zero, presence-wise, as it’s leading man. A flick that tried to be 80s at a time when the 80s were definitely over. An undead bore.

-MonsterZero NJ

2 eighties hotties that deserved a better movie.







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I haven’t done a double feature in a while and what better double feature than these two Mark Lester action/exploitation flicks!




CLASS OF 1984  (1982)

Class Of 1984 is a good old fashioned exploitation flick and it knows it! Story finds idealistic music teacher Andrew Norris (Perry King) entering the crime and gang ridden Abraham Lincoln High School with the intent or doing some good. He immediately runs afoul of the most vicious gang in the school run by the charming but demented Peter Stegman (Vince Van Patten). The more Norris challenges the gang, the more they push back. Family, friends and biology lab animals are all caught in the crossfire as this feud escalates into a war and a peaceful teacher is pushed to the brink of savagery in response to Stegman and company’s increasingly cruel…and personal…attacks. Will anyone survive?

Sure, one could argue that Norris is a fool for putting, students, friends and his pregnant wife (Merrie Lynn Ross) in harm’s way by taking this gang of creeps on, but this is a sleazy exploitation film and co-writer/director Mark Lester knows it and delivers the goods. We let it slide that Norris continues to antagonize these vicious punks even though they let him know early on that they know where he lives and they are not going to relent. His crusade to rid the school of these deviants gets a lot of people…and cuddly lab animals…hurt, including a vicious attack on his pregnant wife, but Norris continues till they drive him over the edge and then, the real fun begins. Even back in 1982 this flick, that Lester co-wrote with Tom Holland (Fright Night, Child’s Play) and John Saxton, created controversy with it’s portrayal of violence, prostitution and drug dealing all perpetrated by high schoolers…and then the violent and bloody revenge exacted on them by one of their own teachers. It’s over-the-top portrayal of a school run by delinquents may actually seem more appropriate now with what is happening in today’s school and far less likely such a film would have gotten made today, even on an exploitation level. It’s violent and while over-the-top, it takes itself seriously and is an effective and brutal action flick that isn’t afraid to go places that are considered taboo, maybe even more-so today. Great movie…no. Damn effective exploitation flick…hell, yes!

I wouldn’t say the acting is great, but the cast all take their roles seriously. King is convincing as the idealistic and somewhat naive teacher who thinks he is going to just walk into a troubled school and clean house. He also is convincing…and a little scary…once that good man is turned into a vengeful savage whose vengeance may almost be crueler than the actions of those he’s seeking revenge upon. Van Patten is very effective as Stegman. Charming and crazy and totally living in a moral vacuum due to a rich mother who has blinders on to his heinous actions. Not her baby, absolutely not. He is vicious and cruel and will stoop to the lowest levels to maintain his iron grip on “his” school. Van Patten nails it. We have veteran Roddy McDowell, who is a teacher who prefers to look the other way, but snaps when drawn into Norris’ crusade. McDowell always gave his all, even in a sleazy film like this. We also have a pre-“Alex P. Keaton” Michael J. Fox as one of the few good students left and another person Norris’ obsession gets hurt.  Rounding out the main characters, Ross is fine as the sweet, loving loyal wife who we know from the start is there to be victimized and those scenes are brutal and added to the film’s controversy.

This is an exploitation flick through and through. It steamrolls right into controversial topics and does so with a bloodthirsty gusto at times. It never pretends to be anything else but what it is. It’s effective and relentless and even has some legitimate suspense and chills in it’s portrayal of a good man drawn into a personal confrontation with complete trash. An effective B-Movie that still resonates in today’s world of violence in schools. Title song “I am The Future” is performed by Alice Cooper.

-MonsterZero NJ

3 and 1/2 saw blades…ouch!

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SPOLIER WARNING: This trailer does show some scenes which reveal key moments!




CLASS OF 1999 (1990)

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Eight years after his controversial but profitable exploitation flick, Class Of 1984, Mark Lester co-wrote and directed this follow-up which shares similar themes, but goes further over-the-top by adding elements of Terminator and Escape From New York. The film takes place in the future…or what was the future when it was made…where youth gangs have gotten so out of control that the police establish “Free Fire Zones” around schools where they will not enter and it’s up to the Department Of Educational Defense to use their own private security force to establish order. They also have collaborated with a robotics company called Megatech to create cybernetic teachers to educate and discipline these unruly students. Unknown to Principal Langford (Malcolm McDowell) the devious Dr. Forrest (a spooky Stacy Keach) has used combat robots as prototypes for these new teachers. Now it is the teachers whose methods of discipline are out of control and it’s up to former gang member Cody (Bradley Gregg) and the principle’s spirited daughter (hottie Traci Lind) to stop these automatons before more of their classmates are slaughtered.

Sequel is more of a straight-up B-Movie action flick than an exploitation flick, like 1984 was. But like that flick, the film knows it and dives straight into it’s over the top story and just runs with it…like a good B-movie should. First off, Lester earns B-Movie high marks by casting exploitation icon Pam Grier, 80s movie bad guy Patrick Kilpatrick and B-Movie veteran John P. Ryan as the three cybernetic teachers who turn killing machines. They add a lot of personality to their villains. The action in the film is decent but unremarkable, but Lester saves the best for last for the finale when the surviving gang members take on the three combat robots in the halls of Kennedy High. It’s this last act where the movie really comes alive and is at it’s most fun, as the teacher’s reveal their true T-800 nature and the high school hallways become a bloody war zone. This film, obviously, has a bit more of a sense of humor than Class Of 1984 and doesn’t get anywhere near as cruel or vicious, though it has a few violent moments. Lester moves things along quickly and while it lacks it’s predecessor’s intensity, it has fun with it’s premise by flipping things around and having us rooting for the delinquent students this time. It’s not a great movie and under-performed at the box office, but overall, it’s a fun little B-Movie though, not quite up to Lester’s work on Commando.

The cast are fine, it’s obviously veterans like Grier, Ryan, Kilpatrick, Keach and McDowell who stand out with their over-the-top performances as robots, mad scientist and the principal caught in the middle, respectively. Bradley Gregg does make a sufficient anti-hero with an Edward Furlong-ish quality. He could have had a bit more of a presence as a supposed former gang leader, but he does well with portraying a young man who wants out, but is pulled back in. Lind is an adorable and very feisty leading lady. She sadly is demoted to damsel in distress for the finale, but she gives her Christy a lot of spunk and fire for the rest of the flick. I had a huge crush on her back in the day and while I like her here, I still like her Alex in Fright Night Part II better. Alex had a bit more fight.

I like this flick. Not as strong as Class Of 1984, but it is still a fun B-Movie action flick that just goes with it’s silly story. I did see it in a theater…I think it was the Hyway Theater in Fair Lawn, N.J., another cool place to see B flicks like this…and had fun with it. I still enjoy it now, even though 1999 has long past and we don’t have cybernetic teachers…that we know of. It’s an entertaining little movie from a director who made a career of fun flicks like this and was never afraid to take his stories and run with them. A fun time and a worthy second feature to the first flick. As said, it performed poorly at the box office, but must have done well enough on home media as there was a second sequel, without Lester, that went direct to VHS in 1994. Also stars Near Dark’s Joshua John Miller as Cody’s brother.

-MonsterZero NJ

3 cybernetic disciplinarians.

class of 1999 rating




Cult Classic Cuties are characters from some of our favorite cult classics and midnight movies who captured our hearts and/or actresses who got our attention but, sadly, never returned to these type of flicks or whose sexy stars shined only briefly, not quite achieving scream queen status. And this installment’s cutie is…



Whether billed as Tracy Lin or Tracy Lind, this former model and major cutie made her mark on the hearts of horror and Sci-Fi fans, first with her spunky and feisty heroine, Alex in Fright Night Part 2 in 1988 and then her fiery Christy in Class Of 1999 in 1990! It was first in Tommy Lee Wallace’s vampire sequel, though, that she really made an impression as the smart, sexy and loyal girlfriend of Charlie Brewster…that’s definitely where my crush on her began!
Vampire slaying aside, Traci had a busy film and TV career between 1984 and 1997 before retiring from acting, or so it would appear. She also had genre roles in Don Coscarelli’s 1989 thriller Survival Quest, the zombie comedy My Boyfriend’s Back and the futuristic The Handmaid’s Tale.



(click on the poster for a full review)

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With her fiery spirit and mane of babe hair, Alex is definitely the perfect girl for cuddling and killing vampires!
Traci appeared in her last film in 1997 and my research seems to imply that she has been happily married for over two decades and is the mother of two children. Whatever her reasons for leaving acting, we wish her well and will never forget her vampire killing college co-ed, Alex!

Be sure to check out our Cult Classic Cuties (click right here on the link) section to see more crush worthy ladies from cult films and midnight movies!

-MonsterZero NJ