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High school misfit Johnny Dingle (Andrew Lowery) has been head over heels for Missy McCloud (Traci Lind) since grade school. He finally gets the courage to try to get her to go to the prom with him, but needs to get her attention. He decides to fake a robbery at the convenience store where she works and once he saves the day, he’ll be her hero for life. Unknown to Johnny, an actual robber enters the place instead of his bud, Eddie (Danny Zorn) and Johnny’s heroics turn tragic as he is shot and killed by the thief. That won’t stop Johnny, though, as he rises from the grave to continue to woo Missy and…it actually works. But can he make it to the prom before decomposing, or will he have to resort to the only thing that will slow his disintegration down…human flesh.

Back in the day, I had a huge crush on Traci Lind, but even her charms can’t save this terrible and predominantly unfunny comedy. Directed clumsily by Bob Balaban from an already bad script by Dean Lorey (who wrote the worst of the Friday The 13th films, Jason Goes To Hell), the film’s attempts at humor fall flat and it’s attempts at being titillating are more uncomfortable than sexy. There are also some really convoluted side plots, such as a doctor’s efforts to make a youth serum from Johnny’s zombie blood and the fact that there is little or no reaction to the fact that Johnny is a zombie by any of the living characters makes no sense and fumbles some prime laugh material in the process. No one seems to care he’s a zombie, until he snacks on a classmate and it is also the thing that finally gets Missy’s attention and attraction…what? It’s a badly written mess with substandard acting from some veteran performers and no chemistry between it’s leads. Lowery is pretty dull as our hero and even the pretty and spunky Lind has her appeal neutered by the dumb script and lame direction…and she can be very sexy as Fright Night II and some of her non-genre roles prove. It’s an all around failure that bombed at the box office at the time it was released in 1993.

So, despite the presence of an 80s cult classic cutie and even the amusement of watching the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing a redneck school bully, this film is practically unwatchable. The script is badly written and misuses a scenario that could have been very funny, while the director just didn’t know what to do with the material. It kills the charms of an actress that had girl next door sex appeal to spare and chose a zero, presence-wise, as it’s leading man. A flick that tried to be 80s at a time when the 80s were definitely over. An undead bore.

-MonsterZero NJ

2 eighties hotties that deserved a better movie.