BARE BONES: DON’T KILL IT and DARK FOREST

DON’T KILL IT (2016)

Horror/comedy follows the exploits of demon hunter Jebediah Woodley (Dolph Lundgren) as he hunts a nasty body hopping demon in a small town. The demon’s murderous activities attracts the attention of the FBI and now Woodley is forced to team with sexy FBI agent Evelyn Pierce (Kristina Klebe from RZ’s Halloween and Tales Of Halloween) to hunt it down…if he can convince her it really exists and he’s not crazy.

Goofy, fun and delightfully over-the-top gory, flick is directed in Sharknado style by Mike Mendez from a script by Dan Berk and Robert Olsen. Sure it’s silly and never scary for a minute, but the cast seem to be having a good time and Mendez brings his energetic and humor filled style to the proceedings such as he did with Gravedancers and Big Ass Spider. Mendez can take the most ridiculous of premises and just run with it and this flick is no different. Lundgren plays it straight, as does Klebe who proves once again she can pull double duty as leading lady and action hero. Goofy, harmless and blood-spattered fun.

-MonsterZero NJ

DARK FOREST (2015)

Slasher homage finds four gal pals, Emily (Laurel McArthur), Michelle (Veronica Ternopolski), Francine (Jalin Desloges) and Jolene (Weronika Sokalska) all heading into the woods for a girls camping trip. Unknown to them, they are being followed by Peter (Dennis Scullard), Emily’s psychotic boyfriend who wants revenge for being defied and embarrassed by the four party girls. As our unsuspecting hotties enjoy their trip, Peter cuts a bloody path of pursuit into the woods leaving a trail of bodies behind him.

Flick written and directed in 80s slasher style by Roger Boyer may be a bit amateurish at times, but has it’s bloody heart in the right place. Boyer may not conjure any real scares, but the film does have a strong 80s slasher vibe, including 80s style soundtrack and gives us some abundant gore and an equally abundant cast of hotties, much like the horrors of that era did. Our four leading ladies are actually quite fine in their roles and are very likable characters to root/fear for while Scullard does make a creepy killer. Boyer’s slasher may be short on story, but at 75 minutes, the flick is kept short and sweet and doesn’t wear out it’s welcome. Sure there are some editing weaknesses and the film looks very low budget, but these are things a filmmaker can overcome with experience and low budget horror is where the heart and soul of the genre resides anyway. A nice effort that pays respectful tribute to it’s influences.

-MonsterZero NJ

HORROR YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED: DEMENTIA (2015)

DEMENTIA (2015)

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Flick has Viet Nam vet George (Gene Jones from The Sacrament) suffering a stroke, bringing his estranged son Jerry (Peter Cilella) and the granddaughter he never knew, Shelby (Hassie Harrison from Southbound) to care for him. When it is revealed he is also suffering from the beginnings of dementia, Peter hires nurse Michelle (Kristina Klebe from RZ’s Halloween and Tales Of Halloween) to be his live-in caretaker. The moment she moves in, her treatment of George starts to go from strict to abusive and strange things start to occur that Michelle is blaming on George’s illness. Is George’s dementia making him hallucinate, or is this woman some kind of psychotic? George thinks she’s crazy, but will anyone believe him?

There is a good basic story hidden in Meredith Berg’s off-kilter script, but the screenplay is weak and director Mike Testin decides to take the flick into over-the-top territory that spills it into camp. Michelle goes from woman with a dark secret to Wicked Witch of the West very quickly and it neuters the initial success of the story quickly once Klebe starts talking to herself and bugging out her eyes. She is so obviously minus a few screws that it’s almost funny that only Shelby seems to notice…aside from George. There is some good stuff here. It is really disturbing when we first get the impression that George is being mistreated by his nurse. The Viet Nam background adds a twist to the story that interestingly places everything in a grey area in the last act, as we learn Michelle’s true identity and purpose and that George may not be as innocent a victim as we are lead to believe. Problem with this is that the filmmakers should have been more clever about it and not gone so over-the-top with the characters’ behavior. We get tipped off quite early that Michelle is indeed off her rocker and the Viet Nam flashbacks reveal a little too much, so when all the cards are placed on the table, we are already expecting the hand dealt. A little tighter script and a bit of restraint on the director’s part could have made this a very disturbing and intense thriller, but instead it’s campy and we can see the plot twists coming. Sometimes it’s just sloppy such as Michelle binding and gagging Shelby with duct tape in one scene and then suddenly Shelby being conveniently free, minutes later when her participation in a crucial scene requires it. The last we saw her, she wasn’t going anywhere. It comes across as lazy and careless, which is a shame because the basic story and it’s reveals could have made for a really intense thriller with some interesting surprises.

The cast are actually quite good despite the tone of the film veering into camp territory. Gene Jones is solid as cantankerous and stubborn George. We really feel for him when he is forced to deal with his dementia and even more when Michelle starts to mistreat him. When we learn more about how this all links to his time as a POW in Viet Nam, he plays that well too. Klebe is good, especially in the early stages before things get over-the-top and a bit campy. She at first seems pleasant, but we get a hint that something is up with her and then is effective even when required to go full blown Mommie Dearest in the second half of the film. Subtle was working better for the story, but she was good despite being far too young to be who she is revealed to be. Ciella is fine as the estranged son who returns to his father’s side, but is quick to return focus to his own life. After am impressive turn in Southbound, Hassie Harrison impresses again as Gerorge’s granddaughter, Shelby. The pretty blonde teen is the only one that seems to care about what’s going on and begins to investigate his live-in nurse when her behavior gets suspicious.

Despite some good acting and a core story that was interesting, the film disappoints due to a weak and over-the-top execution in script and direction. Subtlety would have worked much better, as well as, not being so obvious as to where this was all headed. The idea that George had skeleton’s in his closet that brought this on was interesting, but we’re tipped off about it far too early as we are about Michelle’s true nature. The idea of someone taunting a person suffering from dementia is horrifying, but it is looses it’s impact when the proceedings take it into camp territory and it just becomes another cliché psycho housekeeper/nanny flick. At least the actors did strong work and young Hassie Harrison shows she has heroine/final girl potential for the second time.

-MonsterZero NJ

2 and 1/2 cute, caring granddaughters.

 

BARE BONES: PROXY and VHS: VIRAL

PROXY (2013)

Proxy has some disturbing scenes, especially the opening assault on a pregnant women, but ultimately drowns in it’s indecision on what it is actually is about. Film directed by Zack Parker, who co-wrote with Kevin Donner, starts out about single, pregnant Esther (Alexia Rasmussen) who is attacked in a brutal robbery and looses her unborn child. She meets a strange woman in her support group Melanie (Alexa Havens), who claims to have lost her child and husband, but actually hasn’t. In a strange and bloody turn of events, the film jarringly switches focus to Melanie, as her child actually is taken from her and she and her grieving husband (Joe Swanberg) are stalked by the killed culprit’s angry, vengeful lover (Kristina Klebe). Not only can’t this film decide what it’s about, or what it’s point is…at the end we question if there ever was one…but it’s slow paced and at least 10-15 minutes too long. Scenes drag out and especially in the last half, seem to go nowhere until the climactic act. The lack of a focused story or point, render what effective scenes it has…and it has a few…mute. Overall, mostly dull and pointless and tries for some last minute relevance with it’s faux shock ending.

VHS: VIRAL (2014)

Third installment of this found footage anthology series is the worst of the three and I’m not a huge fan of any of them. The first film has some effective bits, but was ultimately disappointing considering the hype. The second was a step below that with little that really resonated. This third flick is just pointless, annoying and goes absolutely nowhere with a head scratching wrap-around story about a dork on a bicycle pursuing his kidnapped girlfriend in an ice cream truck during a police chase. The film then cuts away to a bunch of vignettes that all seem to serve no purpose or have any sort of solid story. Just an excuse for excessive violence and headache inducing shaky cam. A complete waste of time even at only 80+ minutes.