HORROR YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED: TEXAS CHAINSAW (2013)

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TEXAS CHAINSAW  (2013)

Is Texas Chainsaw 3D a good movie?… well that depends. If you can’t get past a stupid script, cardboard characters and the fact that by the implied timeline our plucky heroine (Alexandra Daddario) should be in her 40s not barely in her 20s, then, no. But, if you can sit back and just enjoy a hot babe running around being pursued by a chainsaw wielding maniac who has a knack for carving up her stupid friends, then, yes, it’s unintentionally goofy, gory fun. Chainsaw 3D is a direct sequel to the 1974 classic that opens with a vengeful redneck mob laying siege to the house occupied by Leatherface and a lot of other Sawyer family members that weren’t there in the original. A baby is found on the property and we cut to 2012 (the date is confirmed on a tombstone as September 2012) where Heather (Daddario), has magically grown up to be only 20 something and is an amazingly hot butcher at a supermarket. She soon gets word that her grandmother (original Chainsaw heroine Marilyn Burns), that she didn’t know she had, has died and left her a house in Texas. Whoa! Adopted and now rich! Heather goes down to the house with some generic stereotype friends who seem handpicked to be murdered, which is smart because there just happens to be another family member living hidden in the house like Bad Ronald (70s TV movie reference. Google it.) and he just happens to like world peace, romantic evenings, chainsaws and wearing peoples faces. Before you can say, gratuitous ass close-up, Leatherface emerges from hiding and starts hacking up everyone he can find. Throw in some sleazy rednecks, some redneck cops (including Scott Eastwood, Clint’s son) and it’s a redneck smorgasbord…literally as the body parts fly fast and furious. Sure, director John Luessenhop doesn’t really generate much suspense or scares from the incredibly dumb script but, Chainsaw 3D reminded me of some of the lower tier 80s slasher flicks that were entertaining despite of and because of how bad they were. There are numerous references to the original flick and I just had fun watching a chubby, balding Leatherface carving up all the unlikable characters when not chasing his hot cousin around trying to kill her. Alexandra Daddario was a fine (and I mean FINE) and feisty heroine and I liked her character’s twist once she finds out who she really is and that she now has to buy her chainsaw wielding cousin a Christmas Card every year… if he lets her live. Yes, Chainsaw 3D is a very dumb and silly horror flick but, it also is blood drenched fun if you go in not expecting much and stop comparing it to the movie it’s trying to honor. And despite how bad it’s written, the film is trying to honor it’s roots and we get some fun cameos to prove it and when it’s all said and done, it can be a good time if you just sit back and enjoy watching hot chicks in peril and sleazy rednecks meeting chainsaw justice. A few beers before the show wouldn’t hurt… if fact it might be a good idea. Be sure to watch through the credits.

Check out “Why Do Good Scares Like Bad Girls?” for a closer look at Alexandra Daddario’s character, Heather here. (Careful though, there are some spoilers.)

A goofy, gory 3 chainsaws

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