TOMB OF NOSTALGIA: CARNOSAUR (1993)

CARNOSAUR (1993)

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“Driven to extinction, back for revenge!”- Carnosaur tagline

Anyone who’s been coming to this site for a while knows I am a big Roger Corman fan. From my reviews you’ve also probably learned that if Corman could take advantage of a trend, he would. No better example of this, is his low budget 1993 production Carnosaur. Not only did he get this flick into production to take advantage of all the hype for the upcoming Jurassic Park, but he beat Spielberg’s classic into theaters by almost a month! He even one-upped the master director by giving his dinosaur epic the blood and gore Jurassic Park wouldn’t and also has veteran actress Diane Ladd giving birth to a baby dinosaur…did you expect anything less from one of exploitation films’ greatest producers?

The book based Carnosaur finds geneticist Dr. Jane Tiptree (Ladd) splicing various animal DNA with chickens to create larger poultry for the shady Eunice Food Corporation in the Nevada desert. An interesting…and not so accidental…side-effect is that the chickens are giving birth to dinosaurs! Add in a group of nature conservationists who are protesting Eunice’s destruction of local land and you’ve got a dinosaur smorgasbord! Now it’s up to drunken security guard Doc (Raphael Sbarge) and pretty tree-hugger Ann (Jennifer Runyon) to save the day..unless they become dinosaur chow first! Did I mention that Dr. Tiptree has also created a virus that will cause human women to give birth to prehistoric critters and has a pet T-Rex? Remember, this is a Roger Corman movie!

Obviously by that plot description, this is a bad movie and while not up to the standards of Corman’s earlier features, the rubber monsters, spurting blood and ridiculous plot can be enjoyed on a ‘so bad, it’s good’ level. It’s just too bad director Adam Simon directs with such a heavy hand as this could have been a real blast had someone handled it that would take the ludicrous plot and just run with it. He also gives this film an unnecessarily slow pace and…except for Ladd, who gives her dinosaur-loving mad scientist her all…doesn’t inspire much from his cast. There is a lot of spattered blood and gore as the film’s Deinonychus attacks and eats anyone it comes in contact with, not to mention the effects of a human woman giving birth to a baby dinosaur…twice. The gore effects are rendered quite well, though, the dinosaur effects are delightfully rubbery and laughably cheesy. There is some definite fun to be had here, but it would have been better had the director not taken this obvious lunacy so seriously and the plot wasn’t so hopelessly convoluted. The dino-virus and government conspiracy elements clog things up and add nothing. A simple dinosaur on the loose rampage was more than enough. At least we get some fun out of watching Doc and Ann, in a pair of Bobcat bulldozers, take on the T-Rex in the rubbery fun climax… though I still can’t figure out why Doc lets the beast out in the first place. At this point, why look for logic in a film like this.

I have fun with this flick, though, even as B-Movie entertainment, it could have been a lot better. The plot wanders from genetic experiments to enlarge chickens, to mad scientists wanting to repopulate the world with dinosaurs, to the government cover-up of all this nonsense. The monsters are obvious rubber miniatures, the blood and gore is plentiful and a respected actress gives birth to a dinosaur right before our eyes. It’s a Roger Corman movie through and through and while not up to his usual standards, it’s still entertaining. Carnosaur did well enough to inspire not one but two direct to home media sequels.

2 and 1/2 rubber critters.

TOMB OF NOSTALGIA: NEW YEAR’S EVIL (1980)

NEW YEAR’S EVIL (1980)

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New Year’s Evil is yet another Halloween inspired early 80s slasher that’s only points of interest…if they can be called that…are that it stars Happy Days’ ‘Pinky Tuscadero’ Roz Kelly, Killer Klowns’ Grant Cramer and Galaxy Of Terror’s Taaffe O’Connell. The uninspired story has rock personality and TV hostess Diane ‘Blaze’ Sullivan (Roz Kelly) harassed during a televised New Year’s Eve concert over the phone by a strange man with a grudge. This demented individual threatens to murder someone at each midnight in the four time zones with ‘Blaze’ being his final victim. Who is this mysterious killer and why has he targeted the popular TV personality?

This formulaic and forgettable slasher is directed by Emmett Alston (who?) and co-written by Alston and Leonard Neubauer. The film has no real suspense or tension and thanks to making it’s lead character, Blaze, a stereotypical self-centered and self-absorbed TV star, we have absolutely no sympathy for her or the killer’s generic victim’s for that matter. The killer (Kip Niven) is also completely uninspired and the fact that we see his face from the first moment, robs him of a more mysterious persona despite his penchant for unconvincing disguises. He’s just some average guy and the big reveal of his identity really doesn’t seem all that surprising since we are given few suspects to choose from. The cast are all fairly wooden, the kills are routine and dull and there is very little cinematic about the look and feel of this slow-paced flick. The only reason this might be worth watching, familiar faces in the cast aside, is the heavy 80s nostalgia especially from the music played during Blaze’s show and the classic 80s Hollywood stereotype of punk rockers, which had them wearing more make-up than showgirls.

This is another holiday set slasher that has very little to recommend and isn’t worth talking about much. It’s dull and forgettable and gives us no suspense, scares or even blood and gore to entertain the horror lover in us. A very formula slasher that has only some 80s nostalgia to lure us into tuning in. No surprise it comes from schlockmeisters Cannon Films, who made a career of unremarkable exploitation flicks.

2 champagne toasts.

TOMB OF NOSTALGIA: TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT (1980)

TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT (1980)

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To All A Good Night is another Christmas set horror that’s only distinction is that it was written by Alex Rebar, who starred as The Incredible Melting Man in that 1977 flick, is directed by The Last House On The Left‘s David Hess and stars Jennifer Runyon, who would gain attention a few years later as the pretty co-ed being ‘tested’ by Bill Murray in Ghostbusters.

The film opens with a Christmas party prank at a sorority going awry and a girl falls to her death. Two years later the same girls are throwing another holiday party and soon someone in a Santa Claus outfit is stalking and murdering them and their boyfriends. Who is this demented killer and why have they targeted the girls of The Calvin Finishing School?

As written by Rebar and directed by Hess, this holiday slasher is a fairly pedestrian and dull affair. It follows the early 80s slasher formula to the letter with being set on an important date and featuring a killer getting payback for a past misdeed. There is little or no suspense and the film moves at a funeral’s pace and has equally little atmosphere. The characters, including Runyon’s final girl Nancy, are all cliché, dull and evoke no sympathy when they are offed. The film is bloody but, none of the kills are all that impressive and the film looks and feels like a TV movie, if not for the bloody murders. That’s kinda it.

There’s really little to say or recommend about this flick. It’s a dull and routine slasher that really doesn’t take advantage of it’s setting and once we get our big reveal, we realize there was absolutely no reason for the killer to wear the Santa suit accept for exacting their revenge on Christmas. A forgettable 80s slasher only made a bit noteworthy because, it has been rightfully forgotten and is rarely mentioned when discussing this era and genre.

2 Christmas trees.

Proof of how obscure this flick is, I couldn’t find a decent trailer. But, I did find the whole movie…