BARE BONES: THE UNHOLY (2021)

THE UNHOLY (2021)

Religious themed horror finds down on his luck reporter Gerry Fenn (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), now covering Weekly World News level stories. While in the small rural town of Banfield, Massachusetts, investigating an obvious hoax, Fenn encounters young deaf/mute Alice (Cricket Brown), who can now hear and speak, and who credits The Virgin Mary herself for her miraculous healing. As Alice is now accomplishing miracles of her own, Fenn’s research uncovers that something far more malevolent may be responsible for these “divine” occurrences and Fenn himself may be the one that unleashed it.

Flick is directed in by-the-numbers fashion by Evan Spiliotopoulos, from his screenplay, based on the book Shrine by James Herbert. It is a dull and routine flick that never makes any attempt to add a little mystery as to whether these miracles are divine or demonic. We know from the first scene with Fenn that something evil has been unleashed and that religious leaders, including local priest Father Hagan (William Sadler) and the church’s Bishop Gyles (Cary Elwes) are being just as bamboozled as innocent Alice. There are no scares, the FX are obvious ho-hum CGI creations and the characters that populate this generic story are all stereotypical of such a tale…as are the events and finale just as predictable. A familiar and forgettable horror with a cast that deserved much better.

-MonsterZero NJ

 

BARE BONES: CHARLIE’S ANGELS (2019)

CHARLIE’S ANGELS (2019)

Newest incarnation of the Charlie’s Angels TV and film series takes things into James Bond territory by having The Townsend Agency international now with dozens of “Angels” around the world, and “Bosely” now being a rank and not a single person. The flick focuses on two angels, Jane (Ella Balinska) and Sabina (Kristen Stewart) along with new recruit/trainee, computer nerd Elena (Naomi Scott). Aided by “Angel” turned Bosley, Rebekah (Elizabeth Banks), they are tasked with tracking down the Calisto device, which is a source of clean energy when used properly, but a deadly weapon when not. The globe-trotting adventure puts them up against a mysterious assassin (Jonathan Tucker), a greedy entrepreneur (Sam Claflin), henchmen a-plenty and a rogue Bosley (Patrick Stewart), who all have their own plans for Calisto.

Reboot/continuation is written and directed by Elizabeth Banks from a story by Evan Spiliotopoulos and David Auburn. Like it’s predecessors, there is plenty of action, humor, costume changes, double crosses and intrigue. As such it’s energetic, if not a bit routine, but actually very entertaining when it really gets going. The ladies are fun to watch going undercover and kicking ass, as the Angels have done since the 70s. Stewart is having a blast as the quirky Sabina, Balinska is sexy and cool as the tough Jane and Naomi Scott quite adorable as the in-over-her-head, newbie Elena. All in all, it may be nothing new, but it’s entertaining, moves quickly and the three lady leads have really good chemistry and are obviously having a lot of fun with their roles. There are a slew of amusing cameos during the end credits and the posthumous use of John Forsythe’s voice as Charlie, is only to cover up the best cameo of all. A film that underperformed at the box office, but is now worth a look and a second chance on home media. also stars Djimon Hounsou as another Bosley.

-MonsterZero NJ

BARE BONES: THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR (2016)

THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR (2016)

Follow-up to Snow White and the Huntsman, is both prequel and sequel. It starts out telling the origin of The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) and takes a page out of Frozen’s playbook by also introducing The Ice Queen, Freya (Emily Blunt), who is sister to evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron). We then jump seven years later, now after the events of the last film, where The Huntsman is sent to find the whereabouts of the magic mirror. He not only finds it, but that his wife/lover, Sara (Jessica Chastain) is still alive and that The Ice Queen has not forgotten him. Worse still, she needs the mirror to revive her sister and take over the land.

Mundane attempt to cash in on Snow White and the Huntsman‘s unexpected success, is directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan from a messy script by Evan Spiliotopoulos and Craig Mazin and without star Kristin Stewart. Nicolas-Troyan has a decent enough visual eye, but fails to bring any energy or excitement to the proceedings. Chris Hemsworth does return and gives it his all and is surrounded by a trio of lovely co-stars in Blunt, Theron and Chastain. The added babe power doesn’t hide the fact that this is an incredibly routine fantasy that tries to add interest by luring in the Frozen crowd with Blunt’s icy Ice Queen. It’s not a bad film and is technically well made, it’s just that nothing stands out or makes it in anyway involving or unique. It’s a typical fantasy quest plot with the usual sword and axe play and offers nothing to make it stand out or memorable. At least Theron dialed it down a bit this time. Poor Chris Hemsworth can’t seem to find any success outside of playing Thor and it’s too bad, he is a charming and very likable leading man. Obviously, his three beautiful co-stars have all done better work too and probably did this for the paycheck. A passible evening on the couch, but nothing you’ll remember the next morning. Also stars a returning Nick Frost and narration by the incomparable Liam Neeson.

-MonsterZero NJ