BARE BONES: THE ONES BELOW and THE FUNHOUSE MASSACRE

THE ONES BELOW (2015)

British thriller has young couple Kate and Justin (Clémence Poésy and Stephen Campbell Moore) expecting their first child, as are the new and very odd neighbors downstairs, Jon and Theresa (Walking Dead’s David Morrissey and Laura Birn). When Kate and Justin invite the neighbors to a cozy dinner party, an accident ends Theresa’s pregnancy and the neighbors hold them accountable. Things seem to be all forgiven month’s later when Kate gives birth, but slowly she starts to believe it’s a smokescreen and that Jon and Theresa have sinister plans for her newborn son.

Written and directed by David Farr, this is a average thriller. It might have worked better if we were given stronger reasons to doubt that Kate is right about her neighbors intent and that the neighbors weren’t so weird and thus immediately suspicious. It also makes no sense that after the initial anger and blame, that Kate and Justin would so easily accept the neighbor’s change of heart, even to the point of letting Theresa continually baby-sit. It is just simply not believable. Still there are some effective moments and the cast do perform their roles well, which makes it work far better than it should.

-MonsterZero NJ

THE FUNHOUSE MASSACRE (2015)

Flick has five serial killers broken out of an asylum on Halloween night by one’s equally twisted daughter (Candice De Visser). They take up residence at a Halloween funhouse attraction where they are all being represented in the exhibits. At the same time, a group of friends visit the funhouse having no idea that the exhibits are now horribly real. Obviously, you can tell where this is going to go.

It doesn’t make sense to pick on this for being too familiar, as it is a homage and therefor the familiarity is on purpose. But, unfortunately, as a horror/comedy it’s neither scary nor funny and that’s what keeps it from being much fun. Written by Ben Begley (who also plays the cliché stupid deputy) with Renee Dorlan and directed by Andy Palmer, the film tries hard, but fails to accomplish it’s goals and is overall rather dull. It’s a shame, because it certainly has it’s heart in the right place and the production looks good for a low budget flick with some abundant and very impressive gore. It’s just that it lacks any scares or laughs and even the stale jokes have been made many times before. Only familiar face in the cast is the legendary Robert Englund in a brief appearance as the Asylum warden.

-MonsterZero NJ

REVIEW: CENTURION (2010)

CENTURION (2010)

Neil Marshall’s Centurion is a fictional film based on the legend of Rome’s Ninth Legion, who are said to have marched thousands strong into the Scottish wilds to conquer the land from savage warriors known as the Picts…and allegedly disappeared without a trace. This film takes this historical mystery and turns it into a tale that is a fast paced and bloody action adventure about the slaughter of Rome’s 9th and the remaining handful of soldiers who are now fighting for their lives behind enemy lines. Adding fuel to their already perilous situation is that one of them murdered the Pict King’s son while they were infiltrating the Pict village and trying to rescue their captive general (Dominic West). Now they are stalked relentlessly through hostile territory by vengeful Pict warriors lead by vicious and cruel hunter Etain (Olga Kurylenko) and must fight for their lives every step of the way. Leading the beleaguered band is centurion Quintus Dias (Michael Fassbender), a rescued POW who is now forced to take command of the surviving members of Rome’s 9th in an effort to get to friendlier soil with their throats uncut.

As directed by The Descent’s Neil Marshall, Centurion is a fast paced and savagely violent tale of survival on deadly ground. He gives us a group of noble heroes to root for and also instills the Picts with doses of savage menace making them a foe to be feared, as they hunt down the fleeing survivors. It’s a no nonsense action adventure that is filled with some gorgeous visuals courtesy of director Marshall and cinematographer Sam McCurdy and a lot of fierce and brutal action. Marshall gives us a lot of tension and suspense to go along with the battles and keeps things moving, but not too fast that we don’t get to know our characters enough to care. 

As for the excellent cast, including Fassbender, West, Kurylenko and Walking Dead’s David Morrissey, they do well taking the characters from the scripted page and making them very three dimensional, and thus giving the film some added emotional resonance as this small group of survivors become quite endearing. We root and fear for them, as they are mercilessly pursued and cut down one by one.

Beautiful Scottish locations are host to the blood soaked story and with a reported $12 million budget, the film is far smaller scaled then 300 or Troy, but is all the more better for it, as our focus is on our embattled band of soldiers than epically scaled war scenes. Neil Marshall crafts a solid and entertaining action/adventure with refreshingly minimal CGI and no pretentious overindulgence. Highly recommended for fans of action and historical based drama.

-MonsterZero NJ

Rated 3 and 1/2 (out of 4) war axes!

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