SLAY BELLES: HEROINES OF HOLIDAY HORROR!

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SLAY BELLES: HEROINES OF HOLIDAY HORROR!

The holiday season is here and sometimes it seems there are more Christmas themed horrors than ones set on Halloween. But if there is a gift these holiday horrors bring, it’s a bevy of cuties and foxy final girls to warm our hearts like chestnuts roasting over an open fire. So without further ado, here are some of holiday horror’s hottest heroines!…

(Click on the highlighted titles and movie posters to get to our reviews and on the gallery photos to get a better look at the slay belles!)

Black Christmas (1974)

Black Christmas is one of the original modern slasher films and graced us with the beautiful Olivia Hussey as final girl Jess and a pre-Superman Margot Kidder as sexy, saucy Barb!

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Silent Night, Deadly Night is another Christmas horror classic and this film has it’s shares of beauties as well. Sexy blonde Tara Buckman plays killer Billy’s mom Ellie, Toni Nero plays his work crush, Pamela and legendary scream queen Linnea Quigley plays the hot ill-fated babysitter Denise!

Black Christmas (2006)

Black Christmas 2006 wins the award for most holiday honies in one movie. Remake of the 1974 classic has a bevy of beautiful sorority sisters to melt any snowman…

SILENT NIGHT (2012)

This quasi-remake has a few cuties of its own. It has My Bloody Valentine 2009’s Jaime King as pretty deputy Aubrey Bradimore, Scott Pilgram’s Ellen Wong as adorable police station receptionist Brenda and Zombeaver’s Cortney Palm as ill-fated adult movie actress Maria.

BETTER WATCH OUT (2016)

We finish up this look at festive final girls, Christmas cuties and sexy slay belles with a look at one of the latest to join the holiday fun, Olivia DeJonge as embattled, yuletide babysitter, Ashley from the twisted Christmas thriller, Better Watch Out!

HAPPY HOLIDAYSfrom MONSTERZERO NJ’S MOVIE MADHOUSE

-MonsterZero NJ

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BARE BONES: BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006) and SILENT NIGHT (2012)

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BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006)

Remake, of sorts, of the holiday slasher classic finds a group of bitchy sorority sisters under siege by a demented serial killer and his sister. William Lenz (Robert Mann) escapes from a mental hospital and heads to his former home which is now a sorority. He is joined by his equally psychotic sister Agnes (Dean Friss) to stalk such cuties as Lacey Chabert, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Buffy alumni Michelle Trachtenberg and Katie Cassidy. Blood and body parts fly as they decimate the sorority sisters, one by one.

Flick is written and directed by X-Files writer Glen Morgan and turns what was a stylish and mysterious slasher into a blunt and over-the-top one. Bob Clark’s original was simple, had it’s bloody kills and never let us know who the killer really was, adding an eerie quality. Here we are introduced to our psychos right away with continual flashbacks and we get some really gory death’s and some very drunk and bitchy sorority girls to inflict them on. There is little or no suspense, though the action is fast paced, there is some entertainment to be had and the gore is well rendered. The girls are certainly Christmas eye candy and Katie Cassidy does make a good final girl even if Morgan’s script gets silly at times. Worth a look, but hardly a classic.

-MonsterZero NJ

2 and 1-2 star rating

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SILENT NIGHT (2012)

This remake of the 1984 Silent Night, Deadly Night, barely qualifies as such, as it takes half the title and a few scenes and primarily does it’s own thing. Here Christmas is approaching and a pretty deputy (Jaime King) is hunting a sadistic murderer in a Santa suit and mask, who is killing the bad folks of Cryer, Wisconsin in ho ho ho-rrible ways.

Flick is directed by Steven C. Miller from a script by Jayson Rothwell and takes all the fun out of the holiday themed slasher concept. It’s an ugly and sleazy flick that has it’s homicidal Santa killing, bad kids, lecherous priests, drug dealers, porn film makers and their scantily clad actresses. It makes this small town look like quite the sleaze pit and gives us few to root for as the victims are all unlikable for the most part and we meet them like three minutes before they die. They’re just Santa fodder and not characters we care about. At least in the original the characters were only questionably bad, regular people and not societies dregs which evoke little sympathy. Also stars Malcolm McDowell as the town sheriff, Zombeaver’s Cortney Palm, and Scott Pilgrim’s Ellen Wong as the police station receptionist. An ugly and boring movie.

-MonsterZero NJ

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HORROR YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED: ZOMBEAVERS (2014)

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ZOMBEAVERS (2014)

(Clicking the highlighted links brings you to corresponding reviews and articles here at The Movie Madhouse!)

Horror/comedy opens with a couple of bumbling truckers hitting a deer causing one of the containers of toxic waste they are carrying to fall off the truck and into a nearby lake. The container has sprung a leak and floats up against a beaver dam. Our title creatures are born! Three cuties Jenn (Lexi Atkins), Mary (Rachel Melvin) and Zoe (Cortney Palm) arrive at the same time at a lakeside cabin for some fun girl time and soon are under siege by zombified beavers and a surprise visit from their boyfriends. Not only are the zombeavers out for flesh, but, their bite turns their victims into zombeaver-like creatures, as well. Will any of them make it out alive?

Zombeavers is a fun 85 minutes that may not be a modern classic but, is a bloody good time. Directed by Jordan Rubin, who co-wrote with Al and Jon Kaplan, there is a well blended mix of horror and laughs and while it never really goes quite as over-the-top as we would have liked, it does provide a decent quota of entertainment. There is, of course, a generous supply of beaver double-entendres and beaver clichés to go with the plentiful gore, intentionally cheesy creatures and delightful nudity from the tattooed Miss Palm. It rolls out the horror tropes as we would expect and has a good time turning cast members…and other forest life…into it’s zombie beaver creatures to go along with it’s zombie beavers. The film is shot well by Jonathan Hall and co-scripters Al and Jon Kaplan also provide an appropriate score. Again, not a classic but, a fun effort that succeeds far more than it fails and even gives us a surprising shift in who our final girl turns out to be. Rubin and the Kaplans know their material and seem to have a genuine affection for it that translates onscreen.

The cast are all fine and get the material perfectly. The girls Atkins, Melvin and Palm are suitably, very good-looking and have fun with their parts. As mentioned, lovely Cortney Palm is not afraid to shed her bikini top but, actually might surprise you when things get going and the fight for their lives begins. The girls are joined by Jake Weary, Hutch Dano and Peter Gilroy as their boyfriends and the lads perform with a mix of seriousness and a wink, just like the ladies. There are some supporting characters that play locals, too and they are equally fun in their parts. A very efficient cast for a low budget horror spoof.

What can I say, this was fun. Director Rubin mixes the horror elements with the comedy very well…which isn’t easy…as does the script. It could have been a bit more clever or funny at times but, is far more successful at what it’s trying to do then you might expect. It delivers enough beaver jokes, zombie beavers and spattering blood to satisfy and gives us three likable and very adorable heroines to root for and crush on. What else would you want from a movie called Zombeavers?… oh, and stay through the credits.

-MonsterZero NJ

3 zombeaver besieged babes.

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